Nightmares

     I woke up in a terrible panic last night.  I had a nightmare.  I had gotten lost, fallen asleep and had a horrible teacher's aide all on my first day of school.  After I woke, I was still shaken even though my dream events could not really happen.  I've worked in my school for a total of five years and it isn't a big school.  We have one classroom per grade.  I couldn't get lost at my school.  I have a wonderful teacher's aide who I genuinely respect and enjoy working with and finally, it would be impossible to fall asleep in a classroom of thirty-five First Graders.

     And yet, despite knowing these truths, I did not want to go back to sleep. I am both excited and anxious about my new adventure.  For the first time, I will have a traditional classroom.  My first real teacher's desk.  My first real teacher's contract. My first...   I know I will step up to the new challenges and become the teacher I am meant to be.  Knowing these things doesn't make me feel less queasy.

    I taught Kindergarten for five years in a private daycare.  I used multiple rooms, people routinely touched and moved my things. Last year I was a long term sub in a dear friend's classroom.  I used to be a teacher's aide in her classroom, I student taught in her room.  Now my mentor has retired.  I was offered the class.  Though my friend and I wish she had not gotten sick, she is glad that I am the one taking her place.  I am both excited to have a classroom and so sad that she got sick.  Thankfully, it seems like my friend may get to enjoy her grandchildren, that she may have the time she desires.  I pray that it may be so.

    Very soon, I'll get the, "all clear", from my principal.  I will hang things on my walls.  I'll make desk tags and lesson plans.  I'll sharpen pencils and send out welcome letters.  I can hardly wait.