More than thirteen years ago my life was changed forever.
A dream became a reality...
I became a mother.
That September day,
my life,
was
made better,
forever.
The years passed
and I was blessed twice more.
Today,
I am the mother
of three children.
There is nothing
I wouldn't give,
nothing
I wouldn't do,
to protect them,
to provide for them...
I know every good parent feels the way I do.
I find myself,
in a position,
I wouldn't wish
on anyone in this world.
My youngest son...
has behaviors and needs...
that may just be too much...
to remain in my care...
in our home.
There are no easy solutions,
no way to look into his eyes,
and explain... no ready answers.
I sit typing...
wishing that I wasn't the one who had to figure it all out.
I try to pray,
I feel like Job...
I want a rescue,
an answer
that won't break any one's heart.
I'm headed out to my swing,
to look into the sky...
to soak in the beauty of creation.
To try,
to find a way to accept
the unacceptable.
I pray for you,
I pray for me...
That tonight and always,
when we hit that wall...
the one at the edge of forever...
That you,
that I,
that we,
are given the strength and wisdom
to do what has to be done.
May our dear ones,
be held close by the
God who made us all.
May He,
keep them safe,
bless them,
Now, Always, Forever.
2 comments:
This is so terrible for you. A decision like this is so hard and you have to weigh all the options. You have safety to think of, for your other children and for yourself. You are only one woman and you can't do everything yourself. Sometimes, you need outside help. Remember - "God grant me the serenity to accept those things which I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." God will help you through this and no matter what your decision will be, he will be by your side. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thank you Doreen... My dad has suggested that I type out everything I am thinking. While that will certainly be offline, I had to mention what was going on. I thank you for your prayers. Thank you also for the mentioning of the serenity prayer, It was always taped to my fridge at the old house... somehow it didn't make it here. Thank you for your kind words. I will do my best... but only God will see my crew through this one. I know he can do it... I am just so sad and worried. Still, regardless... I can still be part of my son's life. I will always be his mother. Thank you.
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